Lactivism or Bullying?

Okay, that's it: I try to stay neutral on the issue of breastfeeing. I've pointed out, on many occasions, that yes, "breast is best" for baby, but that there are many times when it may not be best for Mom, or for the family as a whole. As of righ tnow, though, I've just about had it.

In recent years, breastfeeding's benefits have been much touted, and hospitals - at least in my experience - are now pushing breastfeeding as hard as they once pushed formula. Formula samples are banned from some hospitals. "Nurse-ins" are being organized anywhere a breastfeeding mom may have felt slighted. Sometimes these are legitimate concerns of unfair treatment, but sometimes it is - quite frankly - a case where Mom got herself into a snit over a look that she didn't like. Before anyone takes me to task for not supporting breastfeeding mothers, let me state: I wholeheartedly support a breastfeeding mom's right to feed a baby anywhere he/she needs to be fed. If you choose to continue breastfeeding into toddlerhood, good for you, but at that point, the child doesn't NEED to be breastfed immediately anymore than they NEED to have a sandwich at the exact moment they demand it. You do not need to nurse a two or three-year-old in the middle of a department store, or IN a public pool. But that's another rant.

I've been a very outspoken opponent of the Mommy Wars. Most of us do the very best that we can for our children, and our families, and we work damned hard to do it. Working out of the home, working AT home, stay at home... none of it is easy, but we do it because THAT IS WHAT WORKS FOR OUR FAMILY, and it is no one else's business why we "choose" the path that we do.

But with all of the emphasis now placed on breastfeeding, baby feeding has become one of the hottest issues in the Mommy Wars. Breastfeeding moms often feel that they don't get enough support, and "lactivists" claim that with the right support, almost any mom can and should be breastfeeding. They will usually use the caveat of "if there's no medical reason why she can't" but the inference is that true medical excuses are few and far between. Anything else is just irresponsible parenting.

Why have I gotten my knickers in a knot over this now, you may ask? My youngest is nearly 28 months old, and the bottles have long since been kicked to the curb. I will never again feel the frustration that comes with wanting to breastfeed, but simply not being able to, for reasons I have already explained on this blog - you can read about it here, if you haven't already.

It was this article and the follow-up here that got me into an uproar. It wasn't the articles, though: those are just musings on the economics of baby feeding by a soon-to-be first-time mom, for a FINANCIAL website. It's the comments that got me. The first ones encouraged the woman to breastfeed, because it's the better option for baby. Fine. Nothing new there. Then comments like these began to appear:

• There is no debate about it: breast-feeding is best for babies. It is also best for mothers. The better deal, by a longshot, is breast-feeding. Anyone who can do this for their child absolutely should. Period. The benefits to the child are absolutely tremendous, and they last for years. It would be foolish to choose differently, if the choice is yours. Irresponsible article!
• Generally, formula is for the "too posh to push brigade."
• Why even write an article confusing expecting mothers when breastmilk is 99% better for the child. Why not do what is best for the child instead of most convenient for the mother. Maybe this woman shouldn't be having a child.
• If you're able to breastfeed but think it's just too inconvenient for you, you're not a real mother. You're just a robot with a bottle. Why not just hand your kid over to the commune and pick him up when he's 4, after all the baby-raising inconvenience is over?

So much for supporting other moms. By the way, all of the spelling and grammar mistakes in those quotes belong to the nutjobs who wrote them, not to me.

I will say this ONE LAST TIME (yeah, right...): what is important is that a baby is loved, cared for, and fed, NOT how they are fed. I will not stand for new mothers being bullied and ridiculed into ANY feeding choice (or diapering choice, or work-situation choice, or sleeping choice, and on and on, ad NAUSEUM.) You made your choice with your children, now SHUT UP about it. People who try to make themselves feel better about their choices by belittling others are just showing how low their self-esteem really is.

His Body, His Choice?

Things have been kind of boring around here lately (entirely my fault, I acknowledge... would never DREAM of blaming you!) so I thought that perhaps it's time to stir things up a bit, and how better to do that than with more circumcision talk!

Dalhousie University's Dr. Noni MacDonald published an editorial in the Canadian Medical Association Journal suggesting that circumcisions should be delayed until age 12. She says that since the biggest benefit to circumcision is the reduction of transmission in STDs (and even that's debatable), and infants and young boys don't gain any benefit from this, it should be delayed until they hit puberty so that they can be involved in the decision. You can read more about it here.

Truthfully, the likelihood of this becoming the norm is pretty low (like, subterranean) but it raises a good point about consent. Thoughts?

Advice I Never Give to Parents-to-Be That I Wish Someone Had Given to Me

I was at a baby shower today for a long-time friend (she's not my "OLDEST" friend, as she likes to point out.) She mentioned that women have a tendency to tell all of their pregnancy, labour and delivery horror stories to moms-to-be. This is something I've never understood. Yes, you need to know what a "typical" labour is like, and you want to be prepared for any eventuality, but does a first-time mom really need to hear about your 4 days of back labour, your 47 stitches to repair your nether regions or the emergency c-section that you had with a bad epidural? No, she really doesn't. The idea of labour is scary enough to most moms-to-be without putting the worst case scenario in their heads.

However, after this, she also mentioned all of the unsolicited advice that people give out about childrearing. My favourite of these come from people with no children of their own. And of course usually whatever they tell you conflicts with the last person to grant you some of their wisdom. You really learn how to just tune it all out with a polite nod and smile. (Or, if you're in a really evil mood, you can agree with them and even egg them on without them realizing that you're mocking them.)

There are things, though, that I wish someone HAD told me before I had my first baby.

1. No matter what the nurses tell you, unless your baby has a serious medical concern you do NOT have to wake the baby at night to feed it. The idea here is for the baby to sleep THROUGHOUT the night. The baby will NOT starve if it sleeps through one feeding. You, on the other hand, will greatly benefit from any stretch of sleep that the child will grant you.
2. Babies don't break easily. In fact, they're pretty darned resilient.
3. When you get home from the hospital, you will stare at your sleeping child in wonder - and wonder how the hell any responsible adult let you take this little person home when you haven't got a CLUE what to do now.
4. If you're planning to bottle feed, the bottles rarely come with the right speed nipples for a newborn. Nipples that are too fast will cause an alarming amount of spit-up.
5. If you're planning to breastfeed, learn about it before the baby arrives. Read a book, watch a video, talk to a lactation consultant, anything. Just don't assume that it's natural, and therefore as easy as "Baby, meet boob." That is a surefire course to sore nipples and a whole lot of tears.
6. Whether you plan to bottle feed or breastfeed, you will face criticism. Develop a thick skin NOW. Know that you're doing what is best for your family and be strong in your decision.
7. Not every mom feels that immediate, overwhelming bond. It doesn't mean that you won't fall madly in love with your child, it just sometimes takes a while to set in, and that's okay.
8. No matter how hard you try, you will never feel like a good enough parent. It just means you care.

What are some of the things that you wish someone had told you about being a parent?

Kid Crap - What Do You Do with It?

And no, I'm not talking about what you find in the diapers; I'm talking all of that baby "equipment", clothing, shoes, snowsuits, toys. It's amazing what accumulates over the years.

At first, most of us keep it for the next baby. Clothes are carefully packed away "in case we have another [insert gender here]." Somehow we find space in the basement, garage or attic for all of the bouncy seats, Jolly Jumpers, high chairs, cribs, change tables, exersaucers, diaper bags, diaper pails and so on and so on, unless of course you're brave enough to have another one while you're still in the midst of all of that stuff to begin with (I've done it once and man, that was crazy!)

After you've had two, or three, or sometimes four or more, you start madly planning a day without tripping over an Exersaucer every time you try to sit down in your living room. A day without a smelly diaper pail (because I'm sorry, no matter how often you change those suckers, they still stink). A day when you can walk through a doorway without being hit in the face with a Jolly Jumper. A day when you won't have piles of Rubbermaid totes full of outgrown clothing.

So what do you do with all of it?

In many cases, you pass it along to a friend, family member or friend of a friend who is having a baby. Sometimes it gets donated. There are countless used kids' equipment/clothing stores. There are online trading sites.

Lately I've been faced with this dilemma. We are most definitely done having kids. After four of them, we have boxes and boxes and boxes of clothes. We have two bouncy seats. We have an infant seat. We have a playpen, at one point had two cribs. There are bottles, sippy cups, toys, a "Playdeebug", a Jolly Jumper... it's Kid Central in our house right now.

Over time I've gotten rid of a few things, but there is still a LOT. I'd like to be altruistic and give it all away, but we could really use some extra cash after all of the money we've put out for this stuff over the years. I thought using Craigslist and Kijiji would be the answer, but it's been hit or miss, to say the least. My one experience with a consignment store last year was NOT a positive one.

Finally I decided on the age-old solution: a yard sale. I spent days combing the house, organizing clothes by size and gender, thinking of ways to display them, looking for other items that we could get rid of, all leading up to what I hoped would be the Great Day of Kid Crap Disposal.

Yeah, not so much. Bleh. Here's approximately how the day went.

We were up at 6am, in order to shower and dress and get the kids up, dressed and fed. While the kids were eating breakfast, we started taking things outside. By 7:15, despite the fact that our signs and ads all said we were starting at 9am, people arrived. Can I just say right now that "yard salers", those who spend their weekends combing sales for the ultimate "find" can be incredibly RUDE? One of the women who showed up over 90 minutes early had the gall to tell my husband that we'd never sell anything if we didn't get our things out on display. Um, maybe if you had shown up when we were READY the things would have been out!

Eventually we dragged the playpen outside with a bunch of toys for the baby, and despite my fears that he would simply stand there and scream at being penned in, he actually enjoyed watching all of the people and the cars go by.

People came, people looked, people left. I seriously was starting to get a complex. Eventually things picked up a bit, but I was really surprised at the things that were purchased when so much of the other stuff was barely looked at.

And in the end, almost none of the Kid Crap went. I still have boxes and boxes of clothes. An infant seat. Two bouncy seats.

I sent some of it to Goodwill. I was shocked to find that I couldn't give them a bouncy seat because it was a "safety item". Nor a stroller. So those came home.

I've decided to take some of the better clothes to a used kids' store and take my chances. I'll probably donate the rest, money or no. Hopefully I'll get some good Karma out of it, anyway. I'll keep lowering prices on the rest and put it back on Kijiji and Craigslist.

One of these days it'll all be gone. Of course, by then they'll have outgrown a whole new set of Kid Crap.

Yep, I'm doomed.

Hives Aren't Just for Bees!

I have been very blessed in the kid lottery. Every pregnancy you pray that your child will be healthy, and for the most part I have four extremely healthy, smart, gorgeous kids (do I sound biased? Because I'm totally not biased...)

Having been an active participant on several "mommy boards", in the past five and a half years, and having mom friends IRL ("in real life" for those not up on their message board slang) though, I've experienced a lot of grief for my mommy friends who are going through health issues, sadly sometimes even death of a little one. I have one friend (whom I'm still trying to convince to write for this site) whose kids have such bad food allergies that she homeschools them, just to keep them safe from the allergens that could kill them.

Then here's me: not a care in the world - complacent even. Baby number four arrives, beautiful, healthy and big. He's what I refer to as "the world's easiest baby": he eats well, sleeps well and loves everyone to whom he's handed.

I notice, however, that he has some rather raunchy, LOUD gas after his nighttime bottles. He lies there and grunts and moans for about an hour after his middle of the night feeding. I decide to try Enfamil Gentlease, to see if it will help. Almost immediately the late night gruntfests stop. Although he had never been particularly fussy, he just seems to be happier.

By the time he's about six or seven months old he suddenly stops sleeping through the night. He starts waking up in the middle of his naps. His drool is so bad that he could fill a swimming pool. I assume that it's teething, except that no teeth are cutting through. Finally he starts vomiting a little bit, with a strong smell of stomach acid. I assume a stomach bug and try to wait it out for a few days, but he's waking up more and more often from sleep, so I take him in to check for an ear infection.

I'm lucky: in the middle of the doctor's visit, after the doctor had noticed the "excessive drool", Joshua threw up, right there. Not a lot, but enough that the doctor had an "aha" moment, and diagnosed him with reflux. I was shocked. He was happy, and he wasn't a spitter by any means. Projectile spit-up was something I had never, thankfully, had to deal with. However, within 48 hours of his first dose of Zantac he was sleeping again. It was miraculous.

And life went on.

A month or so later I was happily feeding him breakfast - apple raspberry baby food. As I went to get him dressed about 20 minutes later I was shocked to see dark red splotches all over him: hives. I was certain it was an allergic reaction, but to be certain we rushed over to urgent care. Since applesauce had been one of his first foods, we knew it had to be the raspberries.

So let's see: regular milk-based formula - no; raspberries - no. Okay.

Our next experience was an accidental exposure to egg whites (accidental since he was less than 12 months old and we knew he wasn't supposed to have them). At least, that's what we're still assuming it was. More hives. Then white chocolate. Hives.

Occasionally I tried going back to the regular milk-based formula. No go. He could handle cheese and yogurt, but not plain milk, apparently. I started wondering what on earth we were going to do when he hit 12 months old. With every baby it was this exciting moment: NO MORE FORMULA! Now I was terrified instead. What on earth was I going to give him? Was I going to have to give him formula until he grew out of whatever problem it was that the milk caused?

We decided to try and move him on to soy formula, to see if he could tolerate that, and then move him on to soy milk if it worked. It seemed all right, so soy milk it was.

Except that the soy milk, unlike the soy formula, didn't seem to agree with him, either. He started having liquidy stools almost immediately. Not diarrhea, but definitely not normal for a toddler, either. (Oh, the things a parent has to think about...)

Our family doctor, God love her, has never really known what to do with Joshua's milk issues. She didn't really know what the Gentlease formula was for (in her defense it's still new to the market in Canada), and she was suspicious of him possibly needing soy. This week I described the problems that we were having, and she wanted me to try whole milk. I was hesitant, but I agreed.

I haven't even been able to give him an entire bottle of whole milk yet and already I'm seeing problems. Back to the BAD gas, and his diapers are even worse. I'm honestly so frustrated right now that I don't know what to try next. I may try rice milk, as a friend suggested, but other than that I don't know what to try. Other than that all he drinks is extremely diluted apple juice. I'm so frustrated I feel like just giving him the gentle formula again for a few months, but the extra expense is such a pain.

I know that what I'm dealing with is so very minor compared to what many parents I know have gone through. As I said, I know that I'm very lucky. Still, after four kids you have a tendency to feel like you've seen it all. Other parents ask you for advice and you've almost always dealt with something similar. This is new territory for me.

I'll take any advice that my readers have to give! What kind of health issues surprised you as a parent?

The Mommy Wars Strike Again

Yesterday I posted about Sandra Bullock's new baby, and how happy I am for her. It seemed yesterday that the entire world (or those who care about such things) was happy for her.

Today, I find out that there are those who have decided that they "dislike her character very much" or "have lost a lot of respect for her". Sheesh! That's quite a change! "What did she DO?" you might wonder.

She chose to circumcise her infant son.

I make no secret of the fact that I'm anti-circumcision. However, some of the comments I read on a blog (ironically titled "Peaceful Parenting") shocked me.

"James" said:

A complete failure of the responsibility to care for and protect the baby she adopted. Poor defenseless child. Scarred for life. But at least she enjoyed the party :( 

"James L" said:

Sandra Bullock said of getting her adopted son's penis ritually cut was, "the greatest moment I have ever had in my life"!? Sorry Sandra, whatever sympathies we might have had for your personal sorrows made public, or whatever happiness we might have shared from your triumphs are gone. You have proven yourself, with this action and this quote, proven yourself to be ignorant. Willfully ignorant. Very stupid and sad. 

"Katie" said:

Ugh, and I was just happy for her over the past few hours after learning she had adopted a son. She sounds just like Christina Aguilera with the whole super-fun penis party. Gag. 

Okay, seriously, what's done is done. She made her decision with the best information that she had. We don't know her reasoning, and while I doubt I'd agree with it anyway, I have NOT lost respect for her, nor do I find her disgusting. I am disappointed that she chose to publicize her decision so much, as we all know that when a celebrity does something and tells the world there are those who will follow for no other reason than that "Sandra did it."

However, ONE parenting decision, whether you or I or anyone else agrees with it or not, does NOT make a person a bad mother! She didn't decide to switch his formula with Jack Daniels. She didn't decide to ride with him in her lap instead of a car seat while going down the freeway (hello Britney!)

I have a lot of friends who circumcised their sons. Do I wish they hadn't? Truthfully, yes. Does it change my feelings about them as people, or my level of respect for them? Absolutely not.

Give it a rest, people. After everything the woman has been through in the past few months, the last thing she needs is all of you piling on top of her for a decision that she can't do anything about now. Focus your energy on things that you CAN change.

A Good Organization for Durham Region Parents

Last night I attended my first meeting of WiseParent. To quote from their mission statement:

WiseParent is a coalition of parents, individuals and organizations with a concern for the care and well-being of mothers, babies and families. We seek to assist the development of families through evidence-based wellness and prevention models.


WiseParent promotes understanding and respect among professionals and individuals regarding current standards of care and informed health decision-making; while empowering families through advocacy and education.

They offer free workshops and programs. I'm going to one on ear infections this Wednesday night. Check out the website for a listing of current offerings.

Portrait of a 364-Day-Old Human

Forgive me if I'm a little mushy tonight. I cannot believe, though, that my teeny little (okay, 9lbs 10oz isn't so little) baby is going to be one year old tomorrow.

With 3 older siblings, Joshua alternates between being completely doted upon and almost ignored, but with his big grin and contagious laugh, it usually ends up being much more of the former.

Today I spent about a half an hour just sitting on the kitchen floor beside him while he pulled kitchen implements out of a drawer, handed them to me, took them away again and threw them back in the drawer, grinning the whole time.

It's hard to believe that this is the last day I'll spend with one of my kids when their age is measured in months, instead of years. I look forward to seeing him grow, and meeting the person he becomes, but it's still hard to think that my days as the parent of an infant are done.

Happy birthday Baby Boy. You'll always be my baby, even when you're a 6'2" football player. Don't forget that.

Breastfeeding after Reduction Surgery

I remember it well, my consultation for breast reduction surgery. It was 11 years ago. I was 22 and in my last year of university. In the four years that I'd been at university my bra size had gone from a comfortable C-cup to a FFF (what I lovingly refer to as "Holy F--- that's big!") I was pretty miserable, although not as bad as some people I've heard about. I knew I wanted that surgery, though. The last bra I'd bought had cost $120. My back hurt and my shoulders slouched.

It was fairly quick, as we discussed how the surgery works, what a reasonable expectation was for post-surgery size and when the surgery could be done. Then there was about a thirty second discussion. "Is there any chance I'll be able to breastfeed?"

"Oh, about 50/50, I suppose," he said. "We don't remove the nipple anymore, so that helps."

"Okay," I said.

That was it. At the time I thought it was no big deal if I couldn't breastfeed, but I was sure that I would be one of the ones who could. Then almost exactly 2 years after my surger we had our first baby. During the pregnancy I talked about the surgery with my midwives and asked if I should be talking to a lactation consultant before the baby arrived so that I'd know how to handle things. No, I was told, just wait and see. Well all right, then.

Baby arrived, ended up as an unexpected c-section because she turned breech at the last minute. I was given a morphine pump afterwards for pain. I remember almost nothing of my baby's first 24 hours, until a nurse finally said to me "Are you ever going to try and feed that baby?" I don't think I even knew what day it was, truthfully. But she took baby in one hand, my boob in the other, and shoved them together, and there it was. Baby was breastfeeding. Except that didn't last long. The nurses started to freak out over my breast reduction. It was a small rural hospital. I don't know if that was the issue or not, but I don't think there was a lactation consultant on staff at all. They insisted that I needed to supplement with a tube at breast. This was less than 48 hours after birth. My milk, however much I was going to have, hadn't even come in yet and they decided that it was more important to supplement than it was to let me get the hang of latching on.

Trying to maneuver the tube while getting a baby to latch on, all while dealing with the pain of major surgery was just plain frustrating. The day came that we were to go home and the nurse tried to tell me I needed to stay another day so that they were confident I could feed her. I just wanted to go home by this point. I was hormonal and lonely and tired of being manhandled. I said "Just give me a bottle then." And that was it. When I got home and realized that my milk was coming in I immediately regretted my hasty decision, but at that point I couldn't get her to latch at all. I'd been so busy trying to keep that damned tube from falling off that I never really learned how to latch her on.

My husband heard about Dr. Jack Newman, who was then at Sick Kids with his famous breastfeeding clinic. He brought me the phone number and after working up my nerve I called. Dr. Newman called me back personally, as he's well-known for doing. He was very kind and tried to help, but I was so overwhelmed by everything I don't really even remember what he told me. I just couldn't deal with it. So our first was completely bottlefed.

And truthfully it was fine. She was happy, healthy and we loved every minute with her. Every once in a while I would get a rude comment from someone about why I wasn't breastfeeding. I know they meant well, because "breast is best", but despite my bravado about it, it cut deep.

By the time I was pregnant with my second I decided to look into the issue more. i found a book called Defining Your Own Success: Breastfeeding After Breast Reduction Surgery" by Diana West. I devoured it. I read about herbs, Domperidone, pumping to increase supply... all the things that no one told me about before. Plus, I learned that there was NO need to supplement immediately after birth since Baby is supposed to exist on minute amounts of collostrum until mom's milk comes in. No one (at least no one that I know) gives birth and has milk flooding out of their breasts a few minutes after birth.

So I went in to the hospital prepared for my VBAC, armed with my new knowledge (even with the book in my bag in case of any questions from the nurses). 24 hours later I'd had my second c-section (that's another story for another time). I'd asked to nurse her as soon as I was in the recovery room. She latched on beautifully (although the nurse had to do it for me) and everything was just find, until the anesthetic made me throw up and my husband had to take the baby while I hung my head over a basin.

I told them I didn't want to supplement immediately. Then she started losing weight, like all babies do after birth, and somehow this became an issue. I HAD to supplement. I was risking starving my baby if I didn't. She wasn't getting her tongue moving properly, and I needed to finger feed her until she figured it out. Then the lactation consultant (different hospital) came in and made me cry. It was horrible.

But I persevered. I ended up at the hospital's lactation clinic after we went home, eventually crying again, but this time with a much nicer LC. I had the Domperidone and I got Blessed Thistle and Fenugreek. I pumped as often as I could stand and my supply still just wasn't enough. She told me that there was no reason I had to stop breastfeeding. I could breastfeed, then give her a bottle. Just nursing because we both wanted to. So that's what we did. Except then we both ended up with thrush from antibiotics I had to take for an infection a few weeks later. But it lasted twelve weeks, and although it wasn't long, and I didn't exclusively breastfeed, it still felt like an accomplishment.

Baby #3 arrived. I was NOT going to be bullied again, and I wasn't. Apparently in the 13 months since Baby #2 the nurses had training on breastfeeding and they were told that there weren't to discourage a mom from breastfeeding, no matter what (or at least that's what the bitter nurse told me). So when it seemed like he wanted to nurse 24/7 and still wasn't happy, and I decided I needed to supplement, THEY were the ones trying to discourage me. We ended up "comfort nursing" again, but this time it went longer. Often when he was upset, nursing was the only thing that would calm him down. It lasted 14 weeks.

I wish I could say that things magically changed with Baby #4. Unfortunately with three other kids to look after I just didn't have the time or energy to commit to keeping my supply up properly. It only lasted 7 weeks.

It makes me sad that I was never able to do it, but at the same time I'm glad that I didn't completely give up, either. There are a lot of people who ARE able to do it, though, so the whole point of this post is that moms who have had breast surgery should NOT give up. Educate and make the decision for yourself! Decide what options will work for you and your family. I had a terrible experience with tube feeding, but so many people have great experience with Supplemental Nursing Systems like this.

A lot of people also are able to boost their milk supply with herbs such as Blessed Thistle and Fenugreek, or with a prescription for Domperidone (unfortunately not available in the US).

One of the best online resources for BFAR is at http://www.bfar.org/ It's where I originally found my book and information and I strongly recommend you check it out if BFAR is something you want to try.

Elimination Communication: Parent-Baby Bonding or Parent Training?

I remember hearing about Elimination Communication for the first time. I admit, my first thought: “Don't you mean parent training?” I wrote it off as one of those crunchy mom things that I would just never understand, but hey – more power to them, I thought sceptically. It's one of those attachment parenting techniques that just aren't me.

The first up-close experience that I had with EC was when we had dinner with a friend of my husband, his wife, and their baby girl who was 2 months younger than my younger daughter. Their family is very much “crunchy”, but although I might have expected cloth diapers, I didn't expect to see a five-month old baby wearing underwear. I thought it was kind of cute, but I sure wasn't about to give up my... well, her diapers. On a side note, our friends now have a son as well, but I don't know if they continue to use EC techniques.

The idea still intrigues me, though, so I've read about it on and off. There are entire website dedicated to it. Likely the most popular is Diaper-Free Baby. There you can read about techniques such as how to hold an infant over the toilet (which I imagine must be somewhat of a challenge), links to local support groups and an online store in which you can purchase underwear that will actually fit an infant (not readily available at Wal-Mart, I must say!)

There is also a list of 75 benefits of EC. Now, I have to say, I find some of them a bit of a stretch, but some do make sense. Here's a sample:

Reason # 1: Reduces irritation of baby's skin
Reason #2: Reduces risk of diaper rash
Reason #3: Keeps chemicals off baby's skin

I think that, in all fairness, counting these as 3 different reasons is cheating a bit, but still, you can't deny that it is true. No diapers, obviously no diaper rash. For babies who have really sensitive skin, it certainly wouldn't hurt to try.

The environmental reasons are also very hard to argue with:

Reason #20: Reduces the use of disposable diapers, a major contributor to landfill.
Reason #21: Reduces the use of water and detergents used to wash cloth diapers.
Reason #22: Reduces the use of disposable wipes used to clean baby’s bottom.
Reason #23: Reduces use of plastic bags used to individually wrap dirty disposable diapers.

Some of the other reasons, in my honest opinion, are a little out there, such as:

Reason #16: Fosters greater security in a baby: “Mommy and Daddy listen to what I am saying and respond to my needs.”

Yes, babies need to feel secure, but I'm not sure that I believe that they care all that much whether they go in a diaper or on the toilet.

Reason #53: EC is “family focused.” It benefits the entire family rather than being solely “child centered” like conventional toilet training.

Umm... how is it family-focused? Perhaps I just need an explanation? To me it seems like you would spend more time focused on the baby's signals, thus giving you less time to focus on your other children (if you have any) and spouse.

For the most part, though, the reasons that the site gives do make sense, and the parent testimonials certainly seem enthusiastic (not that they're likely to put testimonials from family for whom EC didn't work). I don't know how it could possibly work full-time with 3 other kids, but the one thing I liked about the DiaperFree Baby website is that they pointed out that you don't need to practice EC full-time. According to them, it can also be beneficial in the long-term to even try it once in a while. The idea is that using the toilet just becomes second-nature to the baby, so you don't have to “train” them as toddlers.

I have to admit, the more I read, the more tempted I am to just try it and see what happens. (Although I can guarantee that Baby J would be still wearing his diapers, I'd just try to reduce the number of them that we use.) I'm curious to hear if anyone else has tried it, and how it went. I am not a crunchy momma by any means, but after four straight years of diapers, and still having my two older kids in pull-ups at night, the idea of reducing the number of diapers we use (and have to change!) sounds awfully appealing.

I still don't see EC becoming the norm in North America. Without having tried it, my guess is that most parents don't have the time, or don't want to spend the time it would take to learn the baby's signals. It's one thing to recognize the signal that the baby wants to eat, or has already "eliminated" but I still question the idea of a baby being able to signal that they NEED to go (especially when it comes to pee).

I suppose you can't know unless you try it for yourself, though!

15 more days

I have to apologize for the lack of material here. I have 15 days left of my LAST pregnancy, and pregnesia has completely taken over my brain. The fact that I (usually) remember to feed my currently outside of the womb kids, throw in the occasional load of laundry and run the dishwasher before we end up eating off paper plates is a miracle, as far as I'm concerned.

I went through a "nesting" energy spurt late last week, but I'm not betting on it happening again. At least my hospital bag is now (mostly) packed, and the car seat and bassinette are ready. After having done this three times previously, I'm pretty sure those are the main ones. Anything else we'll figure out as we go along. I have bottles, though they haven't been sterilized in hopes of not needing them for a while (ha!), and a teeny sample can of formula. I have one package of newborn diapers, since I'm always afraid of ending up with a giant baby who won't fit them anyway. I'll make hubby run to the store for more before we go home, depending on what size we need. If it turns out we need formula, I'll make sure he picks that up as well.

Other than that, what does a baby really need? Although us moms like to have matching everything, picture-perfect nurseries, stroller sets worthy of being built by Ferrari and gorgeous little layette sets (that they'll never wear in the end because they might get ruined by spit up), the baby doesn't really NEED all of that stuff. Damn it's fun looking, though :)

So, anyway, I don't know if I'll post again before I get home from the hospital, unless I have a sudden flash of inspiration. I'm also hoping afterwards to start getting other writers onboard, but that takes energy, which is something I'm sorely lacking right now.

Wish me luck, and I'll be back!