School Dispute at Monsignor Paul Dwyer Catholic High School Takes a Life

Yesterday a student at a high school here in my city was stabbed to death. It's made news all across the province, at the very least. Possibly nationally. As a general rule, it's major news when a young person is murdered in Canada, and it very rarely happens at school. I think there's only ever been one school shooting resulting in a death in Canadian history. (Don't quote me on that, though.)

I drive past this school on a fairly regular basis since it's on my way to my son's preschool. It's not in a bad area of town, in fact, it's about a block away from "The Glens" where a lot of doctors and professionals live. The school doesn't have a bad reputation, and I know several good kids who go there, or did in the past.

As I drove past, I first noticed the number of police vehicles in the parking lot. I assume this was a) for investigation of the incident and b) for security purposes. I saw two girls hugging and crying in the parking lot. The next thing I noticed was a Rogers television van. Then across the street, CityTV, CTV and CBC. On the southwest corner across from the school, there was an abnormal amount of strange men standing around on the corner. Reporters and cameramen is my best assumption, waiting for the perfect kid to interview.

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the media when it comes to stories like this. On one hand, I recognize that this IS a news story. They are doing their job, and it's not like I'm above reading or watching the stories, so how can I judge? On the other hand, I see friends and family grieving - a mother who has lost her only child, who probably doesn't want to see it splashed all over the papers day after day, like grinding glass into an open wound. I can only imagine what that mother (and father) are going through, and it tears me up just to imagine it. To lose one of my children at any age would be as if a knife had gone into my own heart, but to lose them as a teenager, in a stupid school dispute? I don't know how you go on after that.

I don't believe in the death penalty: taking a life to prove that taking a life is wrong is redundant and barbaric to me. I just don't know how I would feel if it were my own child. Parents lose children every day, though: to illness, accidents, suicide, and sometimes they never know how. Sometimes they just disappear. It's hard sometimes not to be gripped with fear thinking about the possibilities. Yet I've always been the one preaching about not living in fear. I let my daughter walk home from school by herself. I let my my kids climb up the slide at the playground. You can't keep your kids in a bubble.

I wish I knew the answer to all of my random thoughts and questions this morning.

You can read more about the story here.

Responsibility for "THE TALK" More Often Falls on Mom

My oldest daughter just turned nine. It occurs to me that it won't be long until we need to have "the talk". You know the one: the one that strikes terror into the heart of every parent. The SEX talk.

I've always assumed that I would be the one talking to the girls, while Dad would get to discuss the joy of sex with the boys. Of course, it will depend on who they go to with questions, but I just can't see my daughters voluntarily asking their father about their periods, or birth control options. Then again, I can only imagine the looks on the boys' faces if I did what a friend's mom did when I was a teenager: she handed him a box of condoms, a banana, and told him to "practice". He was so shy, too. I bet he wanted to fall through the floor!

However, according to this article, more often than not it's Mom who gets to have the conversation. I suppose that may simply be because Mom is the one who is generally around more (not in all homes, of course, but in many) and so an innocent question gets asked which has to be answered. My mom tells me that I first asked about where babies come from while she was driving on the 401 and she nearly drove off the road!

I asked on a couple of parenting message boards for stories from those who had already been down this road. One mom told me about her experience with her step-daughter: "I had to have a revision of said talk with B. this summer that included birth control. We both were pretty skeeved I think, but I did my best to be informative without being overly permissive (we talked a lot about the emotional ramifications of not only the sex, but accidentally getting pg as a teenager)." The "skeeved" part seems to be a fairly common thing: I also got told that one daughter was "appropriately creeped out." Myself, I remember being horrified by the very idea.

I've always pictured myself as the open, cool mom who would be okay with talking about these things with her kids. So far I'm still hoping that will be the case. At this point my daughter is vehemently anti-boy as anything other than "friend." I can only hope that lasts a while longer, but I also won't allow myself to be delusional about it. I know of one mom who is so sure that her daughters (and she has four of them) will listen to her message of abstinence before marriage that she absolutely refuses to believe that they would ever rebel against her. I just find that really sad. If I remember correctly, what I said to her is that by the time they are teenagers, we as parents can only control their actions so much. We are meant to be guides, and hope that they will be smart enough to follow instructions.

I'm tense just writing about this! Can I just freeze time for a few more years???