The Grey Matter Formerly Known as "My Brain"

So, I've been meaning to write this article for a while, but... I forgot.

Seriously. It may sound like a joke, it may even be kind of funny, but I'm not kidding!

It's one of those horrible things that "they" don't tell you about becoming a mom: you will lose your mind. Literally.

It starts from the moment you see those two little lines on the pregnancy test (or the "+" sign, or the "PREGNANT", etc., etc., etc.) You may have previously been a Nobel Prize winning scientist, a musical genius, a gourmet chef, but suddenly - BAM! Your brain turns to absolute MUSH.

I don't remember it as much with my first pregnancy (see what I mean?) but the one incident of what I fondly refer to as "pregnesia" that really stands out happened during my second. My husband worked, at the time, LONG overnight shifts, only 2 or 3 days per week. So our daughter was in daycare the days after his shifts in order for him to be able to sleep. The rest of the week she was at home with Dad. Since he had to be back on the train usually before I got home, on the days she was at daycare I picked her up.

One day I was happily driving home, enjoying the nice spring day, when I suddenly realized that I had completely forgotten something: Emma. Oops. I was about a block from home when I had to make a quick turnaround and go back to daycare.

The sad thing is, it gets worse with each subsequent pregnancy, and so far, it doesn't seem to improve afterwards. Or maybe I'm just so tired that I just traded pregnesia for... umm... *yawn*... what was I talking about again?

Oh, right. Mommy Brain.

I'm not an organized person at the best of times. It just isn't in my genetic makeup to have neatly labelled boxes and bins and folders. I wish it were, but it just isn't. With four kids, it seems only natural that I should have a big calendar hanging in the kitchen, all colour-coded by family member to remind me who has to be where when, and who's school forms are due on what day. I should have folders for each child that I look in each night to see what I have to return, fill in or file. But I don't.

And this is getting to be a problem.

I've always been the person who has everything in her head. Due dates, assignments, appointments, birthdays, anniversaries... everything. I could never use a daytimer in high school or university, no matter how many times I tried. It just seemed redundant to write things down when they were already in my mental calendar.

But the more people I have to organize, and the more my poor hormone-addled brain starts killing off its own brain cells, the worse this is. For example, I know I was supposed to send back the parent-teacher interview form this morning. It was supposed to go to Charlotte's teacher, because it was supposed to go to the teacher of the youngest child in the family (who attends that school, of course). However, what do NOT know is where that form has gone. I know it was sitting on an end table in the living room somewhere around Friday afternoon. It might have even been there on Saturday morning. It is not there now.

It also affects things like keeping up with the news. I can still name all of Brangelina's children (I mean, who CAN'T?) but there are days when I can't name the Prime Minister (or maybe that's just a protective mechanism?) I can't bring myself to read newspaper articles most of the time. I never watch the news because that would mean turning off Blue's Clues or Drake & Josh.

I used to be able to do complex math problems. I could recite Shakespearean monologues. I was actually a pretty decent cook when I had a cookbook to follow. I hope those days will return. I am optimistic they will.

In about 18 years or so?

I want my brain back!